He Said by: Mike Shields She Said by: Sunny Shanel Illustrations by: Skizo Fa2hq

1. Would you sleep with someone with an STD?

HE Said: If it was one of the curable ones, and if she was hot enough  in a fucking second. A shot in the ass is worth a shot on the face (if it’s pretty enough).

SHE Said: Let me ask my vagina, please hold. Survey says: HELL NAW!! What’s sad is that we don’t know if someone is truly “clean” or not but would willingly sleep with someone that I knew for sure had an STD. Definitely not!

2. Would you let somebody videotape you having sex on a one night stand?

HE Said: No. Your sexual prowess is the stuff of legend – word of mouth. No matter how good you are. If you film, all anyone will notice is the pimple on your ass and the stupid shit you say to sound sexy.

SHE Said: Only if he could get my angles right! I’d hate for the video to pop up on XXXvideos.com and all the comments are like “damn that’s a huuuuggeee bitch!”

3. How long does it take to feel comfortable taking a shit in front of your boyfriend/girlfriend?

HE Said: Never! Couples make the stupid mistake of prioritizing comfort over mystery. It’s far too difficult to get a girl to toss your salad when she’s seen the reality of why your asshole actually exists.

SHE Said: I’d have to say I’m a little old fashion with this. I barely like dropping a deuce in a public bathroom around strangers let alone someone I actually like. I prefer to shit butt naked with the lights off and the door wide open and I’m not sure my boyfriends’ mom would appreciate that! So ill hold it until I get home.

4. Do you stay friends with your ex on facebook? and do you watch the activity on their page?

HE Said: Exes, to me are like sandwiches. When I’m done with you – you’re shit. If you’re a good person, you spend enough hours of the day hating yourself. I don’t need to see how happy my ex is with her new boyfriend or hear about how much she enjoyed the free concert at the Cosmopolitan.

SHE Said: I’ve got a few of my exes on Facebook. Hell I use them for eye candy. Just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean he instantly turned ugly. I don’t snoop but I will oogle the goodies!

5. If your boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you and you broke up in the process, Would you seek revenge? What kind of revenge would you seek?

HE Said: Yes. Fuck the friend she complained about the most – because that’s the one she’s most jealous of.

SHE Said: No revenge needed. I hate when I see girls mess up guy’s cars and try to stalk them and harass the girl. Sit yo goofy ass down you simple ass broad! He cheated because I clearly wasn’t doing something right or he’s an idiot. Its usually option # 2 but hey it is what it is.

6. Do you believe that single attractive men and women can be friends without fucking?

HE Said: Yes, but don’t pretend you wouldn’t fuck in a second if the opportunity presented itself.

SHE Said: Fucking has no face value anymore. Ugly people are getting sexed left and right by cute friends but there is about 2% of friendships between two attractive people where fucking isn’t involved and it’s usually because they know EVERYTHING about that other person.Including the bump he had last year on his left nut…yikes!

7. Would you care if your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents hated you?

HE Said: No. I’m fucking their daughter, not them.

SHE Said: Not unless we were having a 4 some. Haha I kid I kid. Actually yesI would care. I don’t take guys home to meet my parents so if my folks came to me and was sincere in why they didn’t like him then I might have to see for myself what they see. I’d want him to do the same if his parents went to him with concerns.

8a. When you see an attractive male with an ugly woman, what’s the first thing you think?

HE Said:“Dude – commmmmmmeee onnnnnnnnnnnn.”

SHE Said: : First thought: Not only does she suck the skin off his dick and balls but she swallows! Good for you girl!

8b. When you see an attractive woman with an ugly man, what do you think?

HE Said: As an unattractive man that attractive women sleep with from time to time , I raise my glass, wink and nod as if we belong to one of the finest clubs man can join.

SHE Said: First thing I look at is what she’s wearing and what her hair looks like….Girls in Vegas aren’t with ugly guys because he’s “nice” he’s making it rain on her so all she sees is dollar signs. Or because he has a huge penis and a quick tongue! Just saying!

Men and women are so different in their thought processes. Writer, Jaimie Beebe polled the chicks and dicks of our facebook audience with the same questions, and the results were very different answers.

How do you handle it if you can’t stand your significant other’s children?

MEN: Most men that answered this question were willing to deal with their significant other’s bratty children.  Men seem to realize that no woman will choose him over her children so he’s willing to do what it takes to stay with the mother.  As one man put it, he heard duct tape usually works.

FEMALE: Women are much less willing to deal with someone else’s children, most declaring that they’d rather date someone else and move on rather quickly when it’s realized that their significant other’s children are assholes.

When is it okay not to use a condom with a new lover?

MEN: Although most men agreed that in this day and age it really isn’t worth the risk because an unprotected encounter can lead to some pretty horrific repercussions, there are a few instances where it can be called upon.  Usually after 5-6 drinks it becomes an option and if you’ve answered an ad on craigslist titled “Be my baby’s daddy” the jimmy hat would stay home.

WOMEN: The women in the study see their relationships progressing to the level of riding rubber-free after a commitment has been established.    Many women also agree to test the sheath-less waters when she can trust that her man is not having sex with anyone else (really ladies??), or once they’re married.  Most also feel that testing is needed to be sure there aren’t any bed bugs or itchies!  Of course, if you’re lucky enough to rob the cradle and find yourself a virgin – then it’s bare-back for the young buck!

Do you prefer bald, trimmed, or jungle-esque nether-regions?

MEN: Bald and trimmed came in at a tie for this one!  Although most men take what they can get once they get in there, they like to imagine that the one in their dreams is not only willing but also bald or trimmed.  There were a few men out there adamant against the hard-wood floors, feeling that it is too unnatural or too young looking for their tastes.   Across the board the 70s bush is out because it gets all tangled and messy, not to mention unclean and gross.  While most men aren’t asking that a girl mows pretty pictures above her Glory Hole, they feel that if they can keep it trimmed she should as well.

WOMEN: Nearly everyone answering the questions on facebook feels they put a lot of work into making their vajayjay’s look good for that special man so they expect the same.  Most women do not like the bald look citing gay porn and looking too pre-pubescent as reasons.   Women like that trimmed look because it helps the average-sized penis look a little bigger and makes things easier to navigate in the dark.  If you leave it totally unsculpted your girlfriend may be picking it out of her teeth for a few days – not something women enjoy.

How long should you wait to call once you get somebody’s number?

MEN: The men answering this question have been given a fake number more than once because several answered that they’d call right when they type it in the phone just to make sure it’s the real deal.  It’s also good to call right away to ease the rejection aspect for later because then she has your number so if you call or text she already knows it’s you and will be more likely to respond if you had positive vibes.  Surprisingly, no one said they’d rather wait the typical three days to call which leads me to believe facebook has a bunch of desperate dudes that just can’t wait to call a new prospect.

FEMALE: Most women call when they say they will, they’d rather not play games right off the bat.  If a girl asks you for your number they are obviously interested… or they drank too much; either way, women think it’s better to find out right away whether it’s going to work or not.

Is it considered cheating if you make out with the same sex?

MEN: A resounding no fills facebook!  Most men would appreciate if their girlfriend was into other girls, especially if they get to watch.  Of course, no man wants to get left for another girl so they like to make sure it’s nothing in depth and would prefer if she wasn’t really into it, but mostly did other chicks just to make her man happy.

WOMEN: Women seem to be more logical in their reasoning.  While some are a straight yes others are a straight no, but the ones in between are pretty logical.  Women feel that it is offensive in the confines of a monogamous relationship to be with someone else regardless of gender.  Women also aren’t into the idea of being with another woman just to impress her douche dude.

Share your questions with Jaimie, and we might put it in the mag. email her at Jaimie@sinnermag.com.

What do you do when the roles in a relationship are reversed?
HE: I am all for role-reversal in the bedroom. Depending on what I’m wearing and what kind of mood I’m in. But 24/7?
Hell no! Sometimes I see dudes shopping like girls, wondering if their ass looks fat. No man–you’re ass looks gay. You shouldn’t be worried about the size of your butt, worry about the size of your manhood. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a strong woman, I support women’s lib. In fact, I’ll help you burn your bra, after I help you take it off. But don’t expect me to be your Stedman. Because the only thing I’ll be cooking up is a dinner reservation.

Illustration by Skizo FA2HQ

SHE: Men wear pants, women wear skirts. And stilettos. Why are we getting this fundamental concept twisted? These days men are whiny bitches and women tuck their balls (figuratively speaking) so it’s no wonder our roles are reversed. I could never be in a relationship where I’m the provider and Ms. Doubtfire cooks, cleans and stays at home with the kids. Its unfathomable how this has become an accepted norm in society. A man is supposed to be just that: a man. He pays the bills, fixes things, drinks beer, and watches the game. Women are supposed to pretty, dainty, shop unabashedly while still kicking ass in the process. All this new age, manbag toting, “I’m in touch with my feelings” philosophy is for women who want a girlfriend with a dick.

Illustration by Skizo FA2HQ

What is considered foreplay and how long should it be explored?
HE: Foreplay is a work-in-progress between sex sessions. Me and my girl have a running story line and we’re always adding to it. We send each other dirty texts, erotic e-mails and suggestive pictures. Some days I have to sit at my desk waiting for my woody to go down before I get that next cup of coffee.

SHE: Anything involving getting my tender loins as moist as a fresh batch of TollHouse cookies is considered foreplay. Women are more emotionally connected to sex than men so seducing our minds all day will guarantee all the slut magic one can handle. I’m a fan of the surprise midday phone call, demanding that I relinquish my panties for ravenous clitoral stimulation. This can also be achieved with texts and emails, though the audible words tend to replay in the medulla until quitting time. The greatest thing about foreplay (besides wetness) is the infinite creative methods two people can imagine. How long should foreplay be explored? That must be a trick question.

Should you keep in touch with an Ex’s family after you have broken up?
HE: No, absolutely not! Unless you’re trying to hook up with her sister. And even then, it’s probably to hit-it and quit-it. If her mama is hot, you might want to throw her a bone too. She might walk in while you are knee deep in her daughter(s). But other than that there is no exception for staying in contact. Go cold turkey you’ve got better things to do.

SHE: It solely depends on the nature of the breakup. If it was a mutual decision and both parties remain cordial then by all means keep it a family affair. Other than the above stated is merit to send his clan to the Trash folder along with your failed relationship. This option works best for those who gain the 10 post-breakup pounds while watching Fatal Attraction for humor and inspiration. The family can be a painful reminder of the good times you and your bastard boyfriend shared.

Do you lend money to someone you are dating?
HE: Of course! I’d lend her cab fare so she can take her broke ass home. 20 bucks should do it. Anything more than that she’ll have to come out of pocket. Unless it’s with a mouthful of meat–I’m a sucker for that.  I’m all for spoiling a girl but don’t beg me for money. Everyone can get in to a bind, so I’ll hook it up on a need-to-basis. As long as it doesn’t become a habit, I’d hate to have to call her a whore.

SHE: Hell to the NO!!! Money and sex are best left for the professionals at the Mustang Ranch. Something about lending money to a man wreaks of credit destruction…yours!   This could be a warning sign of his inability to properly handle his finances. All too many woman get dickmatized- that is, the sex is so good they change their name from Wanda to Washington Mutual. A REAL man shouldn’t feel comfortable hitting their woman up for a loan. I’ve seen too many court shows where it starts with $20 and ends up with credit cards and co-signing. Once in a blue moon is acceptable if he’s a responsible trustworthy man. Easiest solution? Make your next date at MoneyTree.

If you found your ex’s sextape with someone else would you watch it?
HE: Hellyeah! I’m a sucker for porn, no matter whose it is. I am a guy!!! One thing about guys is that we like to share so I’d have the boys over to screen the new feature. We’d be like a coaching team watching playbacks from the big game, critiquing what plays are effective, innovative or what could have been done better to achieve victory.  Plus, I’m curious and I’d love to see if your ex-boyfriend killed the cat.

SHE: Watch it? I’m making a Blockbuster night out of it! During a treasure hunt of my boyfriend’s possessions, I stumbled upon his discreetly hidden amateur porno. Being the curious kitty than I am, I popped that sucker in, pressed play, and watched in horror. I achieved simultaneous feelings of disgust and satisfaction, kind of like the opposite of butterflies in your stomach. Seeing my man’s dick ramming some chick for 5 1/2 minutes became more addictive than the trashiest of reality shows. It’s human nature to look at sex so I say be strong, stay calm, and make sure to have extra butter…for the popcorn.